Silence and Noise

I thought helping my sister move out of her dorm room would be a fairly uneventful process. Instead of sitting around doing essentially nothing all day, I decided to be a stand-up daughter and sister and offer to drive down to Williamsburg for the day. This in my mind was self-sacrificing to a certain degree, because riding in the car alone with my father is not exactly stimulating. He loves driving (which isn't a bad quality) but also loves to ride in silence. No music, no talking. It's not an awkward silence at all, but its silence nonetheless. I knew the drive was only about an hour long but an hour of complete silence isn't exactly what I pictured. On top of that, he decided to drive our Suburban, whose AC conveniently wasn't working. So the only noise I heard the whole drive there was the whoosh of wind as we drove down the highway with the windows down. I arrived in Williamsburg looking like a bird had laid a nest on my head from the wind but was just thankful to be able to break the silence.

After packing up all her stuff, my sister got in the car and we headed back home right around rush hour. This car ride was monumentally better because my sister is the opposite of my father and loves to fill the silence with conversation. Everything was running smoothly until out of nowhere we hit stand still traffic about 15 miles from our exit. If the traffic had been moving even a little I think things would have played out differently. Instead, the traffic was completely stuck and people began to get out of their cars to use the bathroom or stretch their legs. This made my father anxious to put it mildly. He immediately began fidgeting and I could see his patience diminishing before my eyes. Panic began to set in as he realized we could potentially be sitting there for a very, very long time. We were stopped right beside an incoming ramp and my father suddenly decided it would be a wise decision to REVERSE up the ramp. As in, our car would be going backwards up a ramp blindly as other cars were coming down. I began to fear for my life, but knew that if we stayed stuck in the traffic my dad would have literally lost it. Instead of weighing out the pros and cons of this choice, my dad just went for it. We went up the curved ramp and thankfully made it out without dying or getting hit. Once we got out onto a different highway, the moved instantly lightened. My dad began talking, making jokes, and was beaming. Quite the difference from the person I drove with in the morning.  We kept up a lively conversation the whole way home, and though dangerous, I was glad that the incident had brought about a change in the car's dynamic.

Turks and Chaos

             When I found out I was going to Turks and Caicos with my family for spring break I was both excited and a tad apprehensive. While most college students go out to all-inclusive resorts with their friends and spend a week drinking, I knew I would most likely be participating in something much more low-key. Although to some of my friends I complained about going on a "family vacation," secretly I was thrilled because it meant a week of sleeping and relaxing where I didn't have to spend a dime of my own money (sounds bad but I'm really not financially independent as of right now).
              The trip started out around 4:30 am as all 8 of us headed to the airport in anticipation of our early flight to Philadelphia. Everyone was exhausted but in good spirits, sitting around listening to ipods and reading. Moods began to shift ever so slightly when our flight kept being delayed and reports of fog in Philly came through. It soon became clear that our flight was not going to leave today at all. For eight people running on only a few hours a sleep, this news came as a massive blow. My step-grandmother made the executive decision that we would rent cars and drive to Charlotte so we could get a direct flight to Turks and Caicos. The five hour car ride was unpleasant but manageable as we imagined laying on the beach in less than a day. Finally things began to run smoothly again and we made it to the island in one piece and with all our luggage. The weather was glorious and the villa we were staying in was unreal.
            Fast forward six days and we were preparing to leave. No one wanted to go back to reality after relaxing days of near perfect weather, so we grudgingly packed up and arrived at the airport. The unfortunate thing about the airport there is that it is tiny. Actually tiny isn't even the right word to use. I've seen restaurants larger than this airport and in fact all of the lines to get through security are outside. We had to stand in one of these lines for almost two hours because we were conveniently flying out on the busiest traveling day of the year there. The line was miserable. There was no shading or covering until we were in the line about an hour, and by that point we were hot, even more burnt, and irritable. When we finally made it inside and were waiting for our flight to come, things began to go downhill rapidly. The airport was probably past maximum capacity and I soon noticed that NO flights whatsoever had left the airport or come into the island. People began getting antsy as almost every flight kept being delayed multiple times. Eventually it became clear that something was up. Every flight was canceled and people began to panic. Apparently, the air traffic controllers hadn't been paid in a month and wisely chose to go on strike on the busiest traveling day to make a statement. Their plan succeeded. A statement was made. Everyone began frantically searching for a new flight and places to stay for the night. Thankfully the villa we stayed at was still open so we just went back. My entire family was on edge and things were less than pleasant. By the time we finally got a flight, I wanted to cry of pure relief. As I landed in Charlotte, I felt so content to be back. We couldn't find a connecting flight to Richmond though so we again had to rent cars and drive 5 hours home. The car ride wasn't too bad because everyone was so delirious that we ended up laughing for the majority of the time rather than arguing. After we drove up the driveway, I literally jumped into bed too tired and thankful to change into pajamas.
           Though the traveling portion of the trip didn't go exactly as planned (understatement), I realized again that I was glad I was with my family rather than my friends. When situations get sticky, I find it easier to lash out at my family because I know they have to love me no matter what....

Spring or Winter Break?

With spring break fast approaching, the impatience and tension in the air begin to mount. Teacher throw around midterms conveniently all in the same three days, leaving everyone disgruntled and stressed to put it mildly. On top of all this hype, the weather here seems to be having difficulty making up it's mind. Two days ago it was in the 60s and it felt a little surreal. Birds were chirping, the quad was bustling, and everyone in general seemed like the epitome of a happy college student. To walk outside and find that I needed to shed layers instead of pile them on was refreshing. I was put in a good mood immediately, and felt like my day just had a positive vibe to it. I planned on Friday to go on a jog with one of my friends, and couldn't believe that we were actually willing and eager to run outside. Prepared for another beautiful day, I woke up the next morning and wore only a light jacket. Instead of sun though, I was met with rain. It's funny just how quickly my mood changed in those few instances. I walked right back into my apartment and grabbed my rain jacket, already irritated with the prospect of a dreary day. The temperatures began to plummet all day and I soon found my attitude reflecting this downward spiral. I remember reading in the bathroom publication Potty Mouth that seasonal depression is something very real, and affects tons of students. To experience this first hand isn't pleasant at all. The next day it was back to the usually 30 something degrees and the wind was blowing so hard that I saw people being physically moved by the wind. Tour groups were all over campus and I realized that like me, these prospective students were probably already put off by both the temperature and the wind. When I visited JMU as a senior in high school, it was a warm and beautiful day. I remember seeing everyone out on the quad and sitting all around campus. To me, it seemed idealistic. But honestly, if things had been different and the weather had been what it was yesterday, I'm not so sure how my college decision would have played out. It's strange that nature plays such a huge role in daily life, and I just hope those touring students come back on a day with better weather....but with weather like this, who knows when that will be.

Holidaze

Out of all the holidays during the year, some stand out more than others. Holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving seem to hold the title of the "biggest" holidays, and rightly so. What I can't seem to understand then is why the cafeteria ignores these larger holidays and finds the need to decorate instead for the lesser holidays. For the past two weeks I've been shocked when I walked into the dining hall. On Valentines, the entire room was transformed. It looked like someone had thrown hearts, flowers, streamers, and cupids everywhere. They even when so far as to put up a WEDDING ARCH over the desert table. A bit extreme? Maybe. But things only got weirder tonight. Like others, I didn't realize that today was Fat Tuesday. Guess who did remember?  The staff at DHall apparently!! The entire room was drenched with purple, yellow and green. Masks lined the tables and there was a huge four tier cake decorated for Mardi Gras (just for show, not to eat...disappointing to say the least). There was however plenty of king cake (which isn't the most delicious of cakes) even though there wasn't a baby inside of the cakes because they are a "choking hazard." There was even a hired DJ spinning tunes throughout dinner which was both distracting and obnoxious as it was impossible to hold a conversation without essentially shouting. I don't really understand the importance of decking out the dining hall for these two downplayed holidays but I guess every holiday needs a chance to shine...

A Hitch in my Thursday Nights

When I signed up for an English Film class this semester, I wasn't exactly sure what I would encounter. I walked in to find a classroom of about 50 boy and 3 girls. Considering the ratio of women to men at JMU is something ridiculous like 70/30, I was shocked. I wondered what I had gotten myself into and immediately realized I had no idea what kind of movies we would be watching and analyzing. After I got the syllabus, I soon  began to see why so many guys signed up for the class. (If I'm being honest it's because I think a lot of guys saw the opportunity to get a credit out of the way just by watching movies) In all fairness though, the movies being shown during the class were somewhat geared towards a male audience. I'm not a movie buff, and so when I heard we would be watching the films of Capra, Hitchcock, Peckinpah and Scorsese, I was intrigued but not overally ecstatic. My professor, with his beard and extremely long ponytail, soon assured me that these films would be interesting in every sense of the word. While the Capra films were delightful, somewhat corny and most importantly light in subject matter, things have started to shift ever sense we just started to watch Hitchcock. I'm embarrassed to say I've NEVER seen a Hitchcock film until two weeks ago. Of course I knew who he was and could name a bunch of his films, but the only thing I associated with Hitchcock were birds and the music from the shower scene in Psycho. We began with Vertigo, a bizarre film that uses the same actor James Stewart from Capra's It's A Wonderful Life which we had seen the week before. Though I wouldn't exactly call the film a horror film, its eerie music and ambiguous characters left me feeling uneasy for quite some time. When my teacher announced that we would be watching Psycho last Thursday I was excited. I wanted to see if it lived up to all the hype , and went into the film knowing virtually nothing plot-wise. By the time I left the movie, I was disturbed. I didn't realize how creepy the film was and on top of that I had to walk alone in the dark to my car. This film class gets out around 8:30/9 pm and so I get to walk through a desolate, black campus to a parking lot that's about a 10 minute walk away. ( Technically I could park closer, but that would mean getting the $200 parking pass...which has now made me choose a healthy bank account over safety) Every Thursday night I make the trek alone to my car, but this Thursday the walk seemed especially long. I was  completely paranoid. Obviously I knew a deranged murderer wasn't going to come out to kill me, but I still carried a feeling of uncertainty up until the moment when I got in my car and locked the doors. Before the walk had been fine because I'd just been watching an upbeat film that left me feeling rejuvenated but I realize from now on, this walk is only going to get longer. After last Thursday I'm almost tempted to get the parking pass but I think I'll risk my safety and mental state in order to spare a few dollars....

Watch Out: KINDLE ON CAMPUS

One of the best presents I got this year for Christmas was my Kindle Fire. I didn't ask for it, or even consider it, but it is honestly exactly what I wanted. First of all, it lets me buy books and read them whenever I want....nerd alert. Secondly (and embarrassingly more important), it allows me to get apps. Yes, I know I'm behind on the times. While literally ALL of my friends have a smart phone of some sort, I'm cruising through life with my ENV2. Most people had that phone a couple years ago, but honestly I'm just happy to have a phone with a keyboard. I've always been behind when it comes to phones, but I never thought anything much about it until everyone could play games and get on the internet on their phones. Now every time I'm stuck in a waiting room or any other situation where I have nothing to do, I internally panic. Essentially the ONLY thing I can do on my phone is text or look at my own pictures I've taken (the majority of which are of my pets). That's why I freaked out when I realized with my Kindle I could now play words with friends and angry birds. It's sad, but it's very true. 


I lived in the thrill and excitement of these apps during Christmas break, and was happy that I could continue to use them at school. There was only one small problem.....my apartment has no wireless. Words with Friends? Sorry if I don't play back for a week or so. Buying new books? Won't be able to happen on a whim. The only places I can get wifi are random areas on campus. I have no need to bring my Kindle to campus every day so it only makes the trek sometimes. When I finally brought it to campus the other day, I realized I had about 10 Words with Friends games to finish and was ready to get some books to read. I browsed the books until I realized there was an entire section of free books. This made me SO happy considering my current financial state, and I began downloading as many free books as possible. I started reading them that night and soon realized there was a reason they were all free. Every book was either a borderline erotic novel or the cheesiest romantic comedy ever written. Titles like "Sleeping with Paris" and "The Runaway Bride Returns" were suddenly clogging up my memory space. I began deleting books immediately. Amazon does have a bunch of free literary classics, but I'm not a fan of reading Uncle Tom's Cabin or The Scarlet Letter for pleasure.


 My adoration for the kindle began to subside and annoyance took its place. I still use it for games and even splurged the other day on a book. But when you read a book in one sitting, buying lots of books can get expensive very quickly. I realize I'm technologically a step up from before, but I now know that the Kindle Fire can never fulfill all the roles I wanted it to fill. And while everyone is out on their iphones and driods checking Twitter and Facebook, I think I'll just stay content looking at pictures of my dog and texting on my keyboard.

I guess this is the beginning....

I've  always loved to write. I'll admit  I'm better at reading other people's writing than actually doing it myself but it's something that becomes addictive. I started writing in a journal this year and realized how cathartic it can be to completely release yourself on paper. Looking at back on old entries brings up so many emotions. Embarrassment (for how dramatic I was), happiness (when looking at a memory), and sometimes it just brings me a relief to know how much I've matured (hopefully) since I wrote the entry.  As a college student, I've learned that I'm not always going to have the luxury of time. I've wasted so much of it the past two years, watching an excruciating amount of TV shows or sitting on Facebook stalking someone I've never even heard of before. I want to look back now when I'm older and see what I was thinking and feeling right now. And to do that, I need to write things down. Not necessarily important things....just whatever is on my mind.

I like a lot of things but I'm ready to find more. I'm itching to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life and I want to make big changes. I say this now even though I'm usually terrified of any sort of change. But I feel as if I'm finally beginning to realize that if I want something, I have to go out of my comfort zone.